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I bought some new, more fashionable clothes. I looked at the floor and tried not to cry as he scolded me for the unnecessary expense. I nodded obediently and heard him telling me that I was basically taking food out of our baby’s mouth, or resigning us to poverty in retirement by spending money we didn’t have. Thankfully I still had my receipts and was able to take my things back to the stores. I lay still for him as he grunted over me until whatever he was trying to get rid of was gone. I let him tell me how much he wanted to fuck my friends, and begged him to tell me more as I put my mouth on him, as I touched him, as I swallowed his semen and my anger in one gulp. I gave. I gave as I never had before. And no one knew. I never told a single soul how much it destroyed me a little every day. How I felt like I was just biding my time, just waiting to die. How the only thing keeping me from doing it myself was the thought of my beloved little child. The only thing worth living for. I was put on more medicines and told again to remain on limited bed rest. I hated it, but I was willing to do anything to have a healthy baby. That very night after we got home, Mario told me that the house was a mess and I should get to work on cleaning. No breaks until I was finished. At first I started to laugh, but when my smile first cracked, I felt the back of his hand across my left cheek. It was hard enough to put me on the floor, clutching my belly. He laughed and repeated his demand including also a statement about how I shouldn’t protect a baby that was going to die anyway. I looked away, the tears in my eyes ready to break free. When I didn’t move immediately he went to kick me but I was able to get up and head to the kitchen. He demanded a beer, and although neither of us were old enough to drink, we had friends that had bought Mario a twenty-four case of BudLight and a large bottle of Jack Daniels. I hated the taste, but he spent at least one hundred dollars a month on.
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